My beautiful Mum....

On November 4th, 2009 my beautiful Mum slipped away so peacefully and went home to Jesus. Her 2 and half year battle with ovarian cancer over, and she is finally free and sick no more.

It has been a hard couple of months but it has certainly been something that I will never forget. It was so wonderful to be able to spend Mum's last few months with her and then in her last month I was able to care for her at home. In all her time of being sick she didn't complain once. She was very ready to go though, and I have a real peace knowing that she was ready. Everything that was needed to be said was said. Even in all her sickness Mum was still able to joke with us. She would joke about dying and many other things, and it was great because it was so nice to laugh with her and know that everything was going to be ok even though Mum was leaving us.

Her funeral was beautiful. There were over 500 people who attended. Mum was able to request what she wanted, but most importantly she wanted it to be simple without much fuss. That was my practical Mum. She asked me to play Amazing Grace and Pachabel's Canon on my violin at the Church and I did. I actually surprised myself because I thought I would have fallen apart but I didn't. I had so many people praying for me that my hands didn't even shake and I was able to play with full confidence. The day was perfect, there wasn't a cloud in the sky and Mum's wake was also a wonderful celebration. We all had a champagne for her which is what she told us to do.
Annabel has had a lot of questions, and doesn't know why Margie cant come back from heaven. After Mum passed Annabel was really upset and cried for awhile. But like all kids, they are easily distracted so she enjoyed a lot of chocolate on these occasions. Amelia doesn't know what is going on, but after Mum passed when they took her away, Amelia stood there and waved to Mum saying "Bye, bye". It was very sweet and heart breaking at the same time.

So we are back in Brisbane after 10 weeks back home, and we are slowly getting back into the swing of things. Mum really wanted us to do our best to get on with things, she always told us that everything would be alright. I have my moments but I think I am doing a lot better than I thought I would. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow since Mum passed so I guess it hasn't been all that long, but the nurses always told us that looking after Mum in her last days will help us with the grieving process and I think it has. I was more upset in Mum's final days, and I am glad that she isn't suffering anymore. But its the little things that get me, just the fact that I cant pick up the phone and ring Mum, or if I have a silly question to ask, or if my girls are driving me up the wall and I need Mum to laugh at the situation with me. But I do know that she would be laughing with me, and I can still hear her saying "You'll be alright Em. Everything will be alright". God Bless my beautiful Mum! She was and still is the best Mum I could have ever asked for.

Love you forever and ever Mum......

God's Garden

God looked around his garden

And He found an empty place.

And then He looked down upon the earth,

And saw your tired face.

He put His arms around you,

And lifted you to rest.

God's garden must be beautiful,

He always takes the best.

He knew that you were suffering,

He knew you were in pain,

He knew that you would never

Get well on earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough,

And the hills were hard to climb,

So He closed your weary eyelids,

And whispered"Peace be thine."

It broke our hearts to lose you.

But you didn't go alone,

For part of us went with you,

The day God called you home.

~author unknown~

It has been nearly 6 weeks since we have been here at my parents. It has been a very eventful and emotional time for all of us. I haven't really had a chance to write anything lately, nor have I even known what to say. Im still trying to get my head around everything that is happening and still try to do all the "normal" things in life that you still have to do and be sensible and practical. My Mum is always practical and just take things as they come. She is truly amazing.

The fact is is that my Mum is going to heaven soon. Any day now. She is at home with us now which is so lovely. She was in hospital for nearly 7 weeks, but came home last Thursday to be with us.

I love my Mum so much and I am still struggling to come to terms with what is really happening. There are 7 children in our family and we are all a great support to each other which is really comforting.

My girls have been pretty good. I just love how kids are so honest and how they can bring a smile to your face even when things feel like crap. Annabel said to me the other day. "Mummy, heaven is where the sun shines". It was so sweet. She comforts me when Im sad saying "Mummy, dont worry, everything will be alright". The other day I asked her what she was going to tell my Mum. She whispered in my ear "Jesus loves you". I thought that was really sweet so I asked her what else she was going to say, and she whispered in my ear again "Its in God's book". Then she looked me straight in the eye and then just ran off and played. I couldn't believe it when she said that. Ever since my Mum got sick 2 and half years ago, I have always thought of Psalm 139 and how it says that all our days were written in God's book before one of them came to be. I wrote it out in a card to my Mum. I hadn't told Annabel, as I thought she is to little to understand. But when she said that it just blew me away. How did she know? And how did she know that we needed to come down to see my Mum before her health was critical? Its a God thing.

All these little things help me to know that God is in control. But I still feel like crap because I still need my Mum. She has always been there. I speak to her twice a day on the phone when Im not with her. I would fly down every 6-8 weeks to see her. She has just always been there and it is so hard to think that soon she wont be. But I guess God knows that it will be ok. I guess its God that I need. But I am sick of guessing. He can work it all out for me.

So all that said I think I might go to bed. I am so tired, but one thing that I am thankful for is that Adam is here with us. His boss let him come down here 3 weeks ago and work out of the offices down here for the time being. What an awesome boss.

I love my Mum. I just love her so very much......

My Mum

The past 2 weeks have been very different for us. The girls and I are back in NSW with my beautiful Mum, and my Dad and family. My Mum has battled ovarian cancer for the past 2 and half years and now her health has declined more than ever. As hard as it to even comprehend what is going on I just want to take a moment and say how much I love my Mum. She is the strongest person I have ever known. She has never, ever complained about her cancer and even amidst all her sickness has kept all of us strong. She is a fighter, she is practical, she is so understanding and she always has time to listen. She always has a way of comforting me. Even now, when she is so sick, she still comforts me. She doesn't have to say much but her eyes say it all. She has always been strong for us and now we have to be strong for her.

Cancer is such a roller coaster ride, and I have to admit that I am really exhausted. You are never prepared - no matter what anybody says or how long they have been sick - to see someone you love go through something so horrible. But my hope remains in God.

I am so thankful though, to my wonderful husband Adam. He is such a great support and I love him and miss him so much!

The girls have been so good, despite circumstances. Its amazing though how little kids know what is going on. Before Mum was critically ill, Annabel kept nagging me constantly to go and see her. Mum was sick but it was what we were used to. I never talk to Annabel to much about Mum, because she is only little and doesn't need to be worried and anxious. But one night she woke up at 2am and insisted that I take her to the airport because she really needed to see "Margy" (my Mum). She was so upset and was crying and it took me a while to get her back to sleep. But it didn't end there, all week she nagged me, and I couldn't understand why because I already had flights booked for 2 weeks time. But then Mum began to get sicker and Annabel was more insistent. I told her that there were no seats left on the plane that day, so she said "Mum, we will just have to drive NOW!". And so we did. We left home an hour after deciding, Adam driving all of us.

I dont know how she knew, but all I know is that it must have been a God thing. I am so glad that we went when we did. So much has happened since we got here. We spend all day with Mum, and the girls are really being good for being at the hospital so long.

Its a roller coaster ride, but my Mum is riding it the best. I love my Mum, more than I could every express.

Insomniac

Amelia has been waking up so much lately. I cant even remember the last time she slept through the night. She will wake up at least once or twice through the night crying out "Mummmyyyy!" over and over. So reluctantly I get up, and all she wants is some milk. I know its a bad habit, but I really dont care at 1am. I give it to her and it usually settles her back down and I can go back to sleep.
Annabel has always been a good sleeper. Both girls were good as babies (well at least after the first couple of months!). My main goal was always to get them to sleep through the night, so I always pretty strict with feedings and nap time and so on. It was hard at first but I persevered and the results paid off. Both girls were sleeping 12hours a night by 12 weeks. Annabel continued and still sleeps well to this day. Well she did wake up occasionally if she was teething, sick, or in a strange place, but I could generally count on her to sleep through. Amelia on the other hand, was great at first, but then something changed, but I dont know what. She started waking up a lot at about 6-7 months and it has just kind of continued. I know that Im probably not helping because I give into her, but it just drives me crazy! And lately when she goes to bed she rarely wants to stay in there. Annabel always went to bed well, often asking us to put her to bed! But Amelia is a whole different ball game. Sometimes if she's really tired she'll go out well, but other times she will just yell out to us until Daddy goes in and brings her out. She knows she's getting away with something and she loves it. It might just be that we aren't as strict with Amelia as we were with Annabel. Oh Well, she cant do this forever, right?

Amelia sitting up with me when she knows she's supposed to be in bed!

Chores

Annabel has been getting bored lately and seems to be happy when she's "helping" me. She doesn't like to help me by picking her toys up, or help me by not whinging and whining, but she likes to help me with house work, that I may not necessarily what a 3 year olds help with. But I have found a few little "jobs" for her to do that she has been enjoying. She loves to fold clothes and towels and things like that, so that has been good and even though I have to refold them she really doesn't do to bad a job! Another thing I've been having her do is make her bed. She loves doing it and is so proud of it when its done. I figure that its best to start her now so that she gets used to it being apart of her morning rituals, and the more practise the better she'll be!

Annabel's first efforts at making her own bed!

Here are just a few photos of the girls playing and running around. I love our camera and Im always taking photo's whenever I can (thank you Grandma & Grandpa - John & Kaye!). I try and always keep it handy so I can just whip it out and capture the moment. I may not be the best photographer but it certainly is fun! I've always liked the idea of a journal with lots of photos to remember the moment even more.

The girls always love to put my shoes on and clomp around the house in them. Note, Amelia is not wearing pants, at least her nappy has stayed on though!

The other day the girls sat in the backyard on their towels after swimming and practised little dance moves with their arms. They were very cute. Amelia just loves to copy Annabel.

That cheeky smile again.

Adam was holding Amelia and she kept grabbing his arms and wrapping them around her. She was a real Daddy's girl that day.

Annabel cuddling Amelia in a strangling sort of loving way!

Food, food, food

See Mum, I CAN feed myself cereal!

See, straight in the mouth with only a little bit on my clothes

Told you I was clever!

Amelia has been feeding herself for quite a while now, but there were certain foods that I wouldn't let her feed herself, like cereal for instance. Anything that had liquid in it I had to do. There were times that I would put a little bit of milk on some rice bubbles for her and that was ok (well there were rice bubbles everywhere afterwards!), but lately she wants to feed herself everything! I had even stopped putting her in her highchair a while ago, she would just sit at the table with us in a kiddy seat thingy, or she would sit at the coffee table on a little chair with Annabel. But lately she just wont sit still so I have resorted back to the highchair, and the good thing is that she is ok with that. So anyways now she sits in it and feeds herself everything, and she is so very proud of herself, and very cheeky! She often asks for rice bubbles, saying "bubbles, Mummy", and she has taken a liking to peas! Yay!
I have been trying so hard lately to get veggies into my kids. Annabel is pretty good, she will eat everything with a bit of coaxing and the occasional bribe. But Amelia tends to have more fun chewing them and spitting them out. She doesn't always do this, but if you look at her while she's eating she'll generally do something naughty and cheeky. So I've been puring veggies and adding it to their food. They both love macaroni and cheese, so I have been loading it with pureed veggies and they both just gobble it down unaware. But I cant just feed them mac and cheese all the time, so I've had to think up some EASY recipes to feed them and hide their veggies. I've got the cook book "deliciously deceptive" but I have to be in the mood to cook. I like simple things. Especially for kids. I'm probably just being lazy, though. I have been trying to feed them their veggies at lunch time as well. I actually find lunch time easier to give them their dinner than at dinner time. Dinner time is always so hectic and they are always at my feet. So for the last week or so I have been giving them their dinner at lunch and then something simple at dinner time. Then when they go to bed Adam and I can actually sit down and have our dinner in peace. It seems to work for us! We'll see how long it lasts!