Final Good Bye....

So the night before Christmas both my girls woke up at least 5 times! They just wouldn't sleep! It was quite ridiculous. I told them that Santa doesn't come unless children are sleeping. Eventually they went to sleep but I was so tired the next day.

My family and I had decided that we were going to scatter my Mum's ashes on Christmas morning. My sister had collected them the week before and we thought that it would be nice to include Mum in our Christmas celebrations even though she wasn't here. It was sadder than I thought. We all woke up early Christmas morning, the girls unwrapped all their presents (they were thrilled that Santa had come!!!) and then we all headed off to the beach, with Mum wrapped in her neat little parcel.

Before Mum died, she had requested that we scatter her ashes in the ocean at the beach we always used to swim at. Every afternoon when it was hot Mum would take us there after school and we would all swim. Mum loved it there. So that morning my brother took his boat and he and my 2 other brothers and my Dad, went out in the boat while the rest of us stood on the shore and watched. My Dad had the honour of delivering my Mum to her final resting place. It was the final good bye. I didn't think I would be as sad as I was (I've had many sad moments, but I was feeling pretty strong at this point), but it was very emotional but beautiful at the same time, because it was just what Mum wanted.

When they all came into the shore we all through a rose into the water and they drifted out to sea with the current.

Annabel, however, didn't want to throw hers out, she said to me "Mummy, I want to keep mine forever and ever." She was sad, and cried. We didn't tell her exactly what we were doing, but we told her that we were going out to beach to say good bye to Margie one last time. I told her that Mum wasn't going to be there, but she thought she would be and she was upset when Mum wasn't there. It is so hard for their little minds to comprehend death, its hard enough for me to.

So then after our final good byes we headed back to my Dad's for a big Christmas brunch together.